I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to write this post.
Actually that’s a lie. I know exactly why it’s been so hard to write this post and why I’ve been avoiding it forever.
For me, 2011 was a bi-polar year. I had a lot of really amazing highs –
won a work award, was honored at a fancy pants gala, got my face on the cover of a magazine,
but there was one heartbreaking low that really defined my whole year.
Back in May, Matt and I broke up.
To say I was completely blind-sided would be the understatement of the year.
It was a random Thursday in May. The weather was decent, I was looking forward to the weekend and glad to be home from work.
I was more than a little surprised to get home from work, open the door and see Matt standing in my living room (yes, he had a key.)
Then he said the four worst words in the world, “We need to talk.” And just like that a nearly three-year relationship with the guy I thought I was going to love forever was over.
I’m pretty sure I hyperventilated as I choked on tears.
I spent the next several weeks in a numb stupor. I couldn’t eat because my stomach hurt so much and I lost an absurd amount of weight in a very short time. (Don’t worry it’s all back now. I have tailgate season to thank for that.)
I had never been so grateful to be swamped at work because it kept me distracted. I’d hold it together on the Metro ride home and by the time I got to my front door I was sobbing again.
It was a long summer.
I was grateful for my friends who dreamed up crazy things for us to do to keep me busy and get me out of the house (Backstreet Boys concert anyone?).
I was grateful for my softball team and our post-game margaritas.
I was grateful for days at the beach and I was happy to be outside in the sunshine.
Still running took a major back seat.
I didn’t have the energy or the motivation for distance running. I embraced shorter distances and the mental clarity that came with them. (In light of what you know now, this post probably makes a lot more sense.)
When fall rolled around, I started to feel like my old self again.
And like the cliche says, “Time heals all wounds.”
And yes, time really helped.
It’s been almost 8 months now and I’m definitely in a better place than I was back then. There are still days when I’m sad for what I lost and miss the way things were, but those days are fewer and farther between.
In many ways, this singular event defined 2011 for me. And I don’t mean that in a bad way.
Yes at the time it truly sucked more than anything in the world, but since then I have grown so much and learned so much about myself and what I ultimately want out of life.
I know I’m strong enough to stand on my own two feet. I have a job I love that I’m pretty good at. And I have the best damn friends a girl could ask for.
I’m lucky to have it as good as I do.
So while 2011 was an emotionally hard year, I’m trying to take the lessons I learned and use them to pave the way for a kick ass 2012.