At the end of August, I wrote a blog post about what I was doing to rebuild my fitness after my C-section. Back then, I was pretty happy with the progress I was making. The scar massage was really helping with mobility around my incision, and I was starting to build back my strength and endurance by lengthening my walks. I was hopeful I'd be able to start easing back into running.

But my body wasn't healing properly after the C-section. At my 6-week follow up appointment with my OB, my doctor told me to monitor a few of the symptoms I was still having and if they hadn't resolved by 8-10 weeks, I'd need to come back in for an ultrasound. 

Unfortunately for me, those symptoms didn't resolve on their own. So in early September, they got me in for an ultrasound, which showed something abnormal near the internal incision from the C-section. In order to get better imaging and give my doctor a better sense of what was going on, I had to go for an MRI. 

After waiting for a week to get the results of the MRI, I had another appointment with my OB to talk through the options. Going into the appointment, I knew I'd need another surgery, and the MRI would dictate how major of a surgery it would be. Because the theme of this pregnancy and postpartum period was that I have the worst possible luck, I of course found out I needed the version of the surgery that amounted to another C-section, aided by a camera inserted through my belly button. It was both a laparotomy and laparoscopy.  

To say I was devastated would be a huge understatement. 

I couldn't believe I was going to have to go through another major abdominal surgery and start the healing and recovery process all over again. 

But that's what happened. I had the second surgery at the end of September. It was outpatient this time so I got to sleep in my own bed instead of a hospital bed this time around. The doctor was able to make the abdominal incision on top of my existing C-section scar, and the belly button incision is not noticeable at all. The anesthesia made me puke multiple times again -- once in the car on the drive home. And there's really nothing like the pain of puking after your abs have been sliced open.

Recovery has been long and hard both mentally and physically the second time around. My kiddo is bigger, and I wasn't allowed to lift him for about three weeks post-op. I was incredibly sore for the first week and had to do the same rotation of ibuprofen and Tylenol every three hours like back in July. We luckily had lots of help from my parents, Ben's aunt and Ben's mom. But there is nothing more heartbreaking than hearing my little guy cry and not be able to pick him up to comfort him.

When I had a follow up appointment with my doctor two weeks ago, he was happy with my healing process this time around, which is good, but I'm still not cleared to do any real exercise yet beyond walking. 

So here I am, starting my recovery all over again. I'm doing the scar message and core engagement work, but I'll be honest, I'm not as good about remembering to do it as I was the first time around. It was just really demoralizing to take such a huge step back in the program that I was following, and some days my heart just really isn't into it. 

I am slowly rebuilding my walking endurance. Walking at least gets me out of the house for fresh air. I'm up to three miles of walking now which is great, but not really close to the five miles I was walking pre-surgery. 

And at this point postpartum, I thought I'd be back to running and all my regular activities again. My mom and I had even picked out a race we were planning to do together in December. But now, I have two more weeks of waiting to even get cleared to begin regular exercise again, and that's tough. 

My little guy is almost four months old, but my body is only healed as if I were five weeks postpartum. This has all just been really hard. I know some day it will all be just a blip of a memory, but it has been really frustrating having all my progress wiped out and starting from zero again.

September was not the best month of reading. I started reading so many books that I didn't finish because they just weren't keeping my interest. The few books I did finish this month were a mixed bag. A couple were quite good, others were only so so. 

Five Stars

Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book has been sitting on our bookshelf for years, and I finally got the nudge to pick it up and actually read it, and I'm so glad I did. I didn't know much about the Osage murders before reading this book, and Grann told the story in such a gripping way, it was almost hard to believe it was a nonfiction book. Highly recommend.

Four Stars

The Magnificent Lives of Marjorie Post by Allison Pataki
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I wish I could give half stars because I think this book lands as a 3.5 for me, but I'm rounding up here. I've been to Post's DC Hillwood estate and have really enjoyed the gorgeous grounds and her wild collection of fine art and jewelry, and I was excited to learn a little more about her through this book. While I overall enjoyed the story, I thought there were some parts that were a little slow, and I sort of hated that the book was broken into parts that were based around the men she was married to. In some ways I felt this reduced her a bit too much. But if you can get past that, reading about the fictionalization of the life she lived during the time she was alive was really interesting.

Three Stars

Our Missing Hearts by Celeste Ng
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book was a bit hard to read, maybe because it's too close to being true with everything going on in this day and age, and I kind of struggled to get through it. Book bans and children being stolen from homes was maybe just a little darker than I was hoping for when I picked up this book.

Without a Hitch by Mary Hollis Huddleston
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I thought I'd like this book more than I did because it seemed like it would hit the right notes for me, but I struggled a bit because I didn't love the main character. Lottie is a bit lost in life. She had big plans in college, but then got sidetracked by her relationship with her college boyfriend. When that relationship blows up just before graduation, Lottie isn't sure what to do with herself. She falls into a job at florist and eventually finds her way to a wedding planning firm. This was a mix of Lottie trying to find herself and a bit of a romance. The romance parts were sweet, the Lottie finding herself parts fell a bit flat for me.

The Guilt Trip by Sandie Jones
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I read this book on the heels of a few other suspense/thriller type books and kept wondering when the murder would happen. Turns out that wasn’t the plot of this book. Instead a group of friends heads to a destination wedding where a secret threatens all their relationships. This book was a bit slow, though toward the end I wanted to keep reading to see if I guessed the twist.

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