Taper for me has always been so much more mental than physical.
Physically I know I’ve put the training in and I have no problem taking a few more rest days, slashing my mileage and giving myself a break. It’s well deserved and it will make sure my legs are in prime shape on race day.
Even though running has been nonexistent this week because I’m still recovering from the food poisoning, I know that physically I have the strength to run this race.
But mentally, man the demons in my head get loud.
The self doubt and the fear of failure start to creep in and make me question the weeks and weeks of hard training I put in.
I feel severely under prepared. I’m regretting every one of those runs that I didn’t do for one reason or another. I’m spazzing the heck out to anyone that will listen, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to carb-load sufficiently because I’m still not feeling great.
Really, I’m just scared. I’m scared that I put in all this training, and I’ll run a disappointing race and not accomplish any of my goals. I’m scared that some stupid injury will spring up out of no where like my knee in Philly two years ago. I’m scared that I might be the last one of my friends to finish and that I’ll let people down.
I know these are all pretty stupid and irrational fears, but they feel very, very real.
I know I put in the work. I am in better shape now than I was for Philly two years ago. My long runs have been pretty awesome. My times have been right where I want them to be. I know I have it in myself physically to set a new marathon PR. I know I have it in me to rock this race.
But I’m still scared that something will go wrong and I’ll fail.
There are so many factors that are out of our control on race day, and I know worrying about them will not do a darn thing to help me, and yet, I can’t help it.
This next week is just going to be tough for me mentally. So friends, I welcome any and all distractions. If you see me starring off into space, I’m probably stressing about the race, so come talk to me and snap me out of it.
The race needs to hurry up and get here so I can silence these mental demons once and for all.